It’s a cliché, but change has always been the only constant. In recent times, the pace of change has accelerated greatly, and we all need to find ways to deal creatively with this fact of modern life. Leaders, in particular, need to face and manage change in a constructive way, but everyone who wants to be successful – in career, in relationships, in life – must learn how to see and manage change the way that successful ‘change leaders’ do. Such leaders are adaptable and creative, responding to change in three key ways.

1. People who respond well to change will have a high ‘ambiguity threshold.’ Change is inherently ambiguous, and those who deal creatively with change will have a high tolerance for uncertainty and ‘shades of grey.’

2. Skillful managers of change will have a constructive ‘internal monologue.’ They will see themselves as inherently powerful and having the ability to control elements of the situation in which they find themselves. Some circumstances cannot be changed, but the way we respond to them is always a choice, and we always have a sphere of influence, however small. By focusing on this sphere of influence, and not expending energy bemoaning the area outside it, the circle will start to expand and give us progressively more control. Solutions to problems always exist, and the ‘internal monologue’ should reflect the desire to find them and the certainty that they can be successfully implemented.

3. Those who deal well with change will have a good reservoir of emotional, physical and mental energy from which to draw when things get tough.
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Tags: Change // 5 Comments »

Virtually living. How many of us here are doing just that, I wonder. I’m going to share something a little personal with you today in my musings. But there is a point to it …

The other day, I was “on the road” for my job - the first time in several years that I was doing so. It’s something I love, and was excitedly looking forward to getting back to talk to “my people”. Oddest thing was, each time I sat down with someone, I found myself awkwardly groping for contact … and anyone who knows me, knows that has never been a problem. I felt very much “in a fog”. Why? What happened? What changed between then and now?

Driving home in the solitude of my car, and back to the quiet of my apartment, I searched for the answer. The next morning, as I flicked on my computer even before I started the coffee, I realized … I’d allowed myself to “live virtually”. Or rather, virtually live. [Click here to read more →]

Tags: Life // 20 Comments »

Image courtesy of Ham Guy

On a semi-regular basis, I do some childminding for a lovely family, and this week, the younger girl (aged eight) brought home a “Congratulations” certificate from school.

This got me thinking about our achievements as adults. When did someone last give you a certificate to say “well done”, “congratulations” or “great job”? Has anyone even said those words to you recently?

Sometimes, it’s easy to feel that our hard work goes unnoticed – maybe by our employers, teachers or relatives. Perhaps you stayed late every night to ensure the success of a tricky project at work, and no-one seemed to care. Or you’ve reached a thousand subscribers on your blog, but your spouse can’t see what you’re so excited about.

The even deeper trap, though, is not so much that other people don’t recognize and acknowledge our achievements, but that we ourselves don’t. I’m someone who likes instant results; I’m not patient and I tend to struggle to maintain enthusiasm throughout a long project or when working towards a distant goal. Because of this, I’ve started consciously recording and celebrating my achievements, so that I realize that my hard work is paying off and that I am making progress.

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Tags: Habits, Success // 12 Comments »

Obama’s kids aren’t impressed by his work.

Back in April, Obama candidly admitted on the Rachel Ray Show that his job doesn’t exactly fill his kids with excitement. “When I call them and they say, ‘Daddy, what did you do today?’ I said, ‘Well, I spoke to 35,000 people.’ It’s like ‘Boring.’ It’s not interesting,” The focus of Obama’s interview was the importance of finding time to spend time with your family, even if you happen to be running for President of the United States of America.

In the past it was thought that being a “good parent” meant spending more time away from your kids - coming to work early and leaving late, schmoozing your way up the corporate ladder after hours, volunteering for extra projects and business trips, etc. But over time, parents and parenting experts have come to realize that it’s not how much you give your kid that’s important - it’s how much time you give them.

However, there are different ways to spend time with kids, each with it’s own value and it’s own potential pitfalls:
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Tags: Parenting // 7 Comments »

“True justice is paying only once for each mistake”

How often do we overlook the above aphorism as we repeatedly revisit past mistakes, injuries, and confrontations?  There are times I lie sleepless and recall arguments I had with college sweethearts, high school teachers, and even the grade school bully.  What do I get for my trouble?  Sometimes I experience that all-too-familiar wave of panic, other times an uneasy stomach or a rapidly beating heart; that feeling is almost always accompanied by guilt, resentment, or both.  The experience never benefits me and I’ve reached the point in my life where I need to stop it.

The Problem of Repunishment

We’ve been conditioned from birth to retain our flaws and mistakes in two ways: by example and through confrontation.  The first form of conditioning is by example; we see and hear our parents do it every day.  Your dad forgets to take the trash out after dinner; your mom gets angry and calls him on it.  But instead of saying: “Dear, your forgot the trash”, she says: “You forgot the trash again!  You NEVER remember to take it out!” Now your dad doesn’t deal with the current situation, rather he relives every time he forgot.  He feels guilt and frustration well up, he becomes defensive, and the argument begins.  The second form of conditioning is more direct; someone will be displeased and say: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Then we relive each of our past mistakes and feel the guilt, the pain, and the frustration.
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Tags: Self Awareness, Wellbeing // 13 Comments »

Saving the World At Work is a new book by Tim Sanders, former CSO of Yahoo, that looks at what companies and individuals can do to go beyond making a profit to making a difference. The Responsibility Revolution is underway, and Tim wants to recruit you:

“I want to recruit you, and train you, for the Responsibility Revolution. I want to help you feel good about your company and grow more good within it. I want to help you feel more fulfilled by your job, by helping your company to see the value of giving back to the larger world.”

If you read the Amazon reviews you will see it has been extremely well received (19 review - all 5 stars).

I have 10 copies to giveaway to subscribers to my monthly newsletter. If you would like to subscribe simply enter your name and email address below (or if you are reading this in a reader/ email click here to visit my article):

The next issue of my newsletter will be published this weekend.

Tags: General Stuff // Comments Off